PHONER: Linguistics Per Touch Screen

With everything else Google has given me, here is an app for posting to my blog from my phone. If I have an idea during the day for writing, I write it with a fancy pen that writes as fast as the thoughts. Later I type on a computer at the slower speed necessary to fill out the earlier flash. What is the ratio of speed of communication to language clarity? Is that last line unclear? I'm tapping it on a phone while sitting in a bathtub while listening to a podcast while surfing the Internet. Communication moves incalculably faster, further, but mastering it today is being a master of shorthand. Were I writing in a notebook I would go a long bit on Alan Moore's idea of magic: the practitioners of the dark art in the ancient world were the masters of language. A bard means both a wizard and a storyteller. A magic spell is simply putting the words in the right order to where it is as a branding onto other minds. Texting is analogous to Gandalf tapping on the doors of Moria with a toothpick. Spk frend n enter.

PICS: Sept@ME-NH-VT-MA-CT-NY-RI

QUALITY COMIC: Juicy Juice

The Quality Inn can be a tough place.  They do provide a lovely little notepad.  Here's issue #1 of the shittiest comic in the world, QUALITY COMIC.

COUSIN CHAZZ IN LOVE: 1. The Hill

Cousin Chazz is probably never getting out of rehab.  But what if there was a movie about his leaving rehab?  A movie that revealed the truth as to why he had to hide out in a rehab when he didn't have a drug problem.  A movie about Cousin Chazz and a tragic love affair; a movie full of white powder, brown women, and green beer -- quite simply the greatest hillbilly movie ever known.  

-- Below is the 5 Minute opening scene (in draft) introducing a boy sheep-herd, an Irish gorilla, a crank lab, and also the finest pregnant bird CC ever knew.

PICS: Alexandria Blues

REPLACING CHAZZ 7: Grimace O'Reilly

Grimace O'Reilly is an old stagehand from back in the golden age of 1970's arena rock.  But that's not why we've given him the shot at replacing Chazz.  No, Grimace, is a newly minted "smart phone" enthusiast who is up with all the cool new apps available today for the entire family to enjoy!

150 HORRIBLE WORDS: Steve the Nether Lich

A classic Bernie Wrightson from Creepy Magazine

Nine times out of ten murderers take Halloween off.  But not Steve.  Not this year.  His scythe had been hidden behind the freezer for far too long, and now mere hours before the big night, it was time to get his drink on.  And by drink, I mean drink the blood of the innocent.  How else could a Nether Lich do Nether Lich properly, decade after decade, without fresh souls?  He didn't choose the life, the life chose him.  So here he was, pulling his tube socks up to the knee, prepping for glorious blood!

MOVIE PITCH: The Stud

(Here, in honor of Football SeasoN@!!, is an updated pitch of an old movie idea, my ideal pro football movie/sports movie)

PICS: King Pig

REPLACING CHAZZ 6: Stan from Deerhunter

Yeah.  I'm here.  I'm gonna write a little thing here about .. uh.. about some things going on over at the steel mill.  But, um, I seem to have misplaced the power cord to the laptop.

REPLACING CHAZZ 5: Marjorie Naismith Deleon

You ever been so stressed you just forget to eat lunch?  I haven't.

HOTEL REVIEW: The Huttle Puddle

My favorite motel in Mass.  Right next to an abandoned drive-in, it is a place things happened in back then.  You can feel it.  Stephen King probably thinks there are ghosts here.  I'd like to watch a Rashomon remake set here in 1952 based around the murder Stephen King's ghost was involved in

The Hotel Review was started, and continued, for one reason: the day I returned to the Huttleston in Fairhaven, Mass.  Just don't believe there is internet.  I think that sign is stating that somewhere in the world there is a thing called the internet.