CHAZZ: eHarmony Profile

Actual excerpts from Chazz's dating site profile... 
+ I'm easily the most irreplaceable fictional character on the 47th most popular blog in my town.

+ My taste in food and drink is similar to a single lady who owns more than two cats: 17 Diet Pepsi a day, buttered white rice.
+ Personality is VERY IMPORTANT.  Because as far as looks go, I'll f*^# anything.
+ Whatever you've heard is a lie.  If you haven't heard anything than what I'm talking about is how everyone is always saying, "Chazz is an orgasm wizard who picks up the check".
+ The thing about a job is most cheaters meet their flings in the workplace.  Were we to shack up this won't be a concern for you.
+ Here's hoping your father is an emotionally distant lazy fool.  Bliss is low expectations.
+ 9 times out of ten I do the wrong thing.  But my explanations are sweet melodies to the ears of a good woman, sung to the tune of, "He Can Change".
+ Attention Earth-Mothers: Cousin Chazz WILL NOT contribute more blood to BIG OIL by either operating or owning a car.
+ My hobbies include 19th century pornography and training cave bats.
+ Chazz is short for Chazzebernazan.  My parents were big Sinbad fans.  By Sinbad fans I'm saying my parents were terrorists.
+ Misogyny is like cholestrol, and mine is the good kind.
+ Say what you will, this is me back in the day:

Baby Chazz

Brought to You by
Cousin Chazz (@cousinchazz)