If you don't know Ace Milton, Ace is the actor of his generation who didn't make it. There was no high profile production he was not attached to at one time, and fired from at another time within weeks of that one time. In his newest post he tells tales about the legendary cast of Oliver Stone's JFK, which he was a part of during the rehearsal period.
--------------------------------------------------
1. Kevin Costner sat around rehearsal talking about how often American Indians thank him. He actually thinks Indians respect him. One day I was like, "Look, Kev, Indians like casinos and standing for velvet portraits, besides, nobody likes Kevin Costner." Kevin Costner: total "D". (Sorry, my nephew is sitting here, so the Ace can't write swears).
2. Gary Oldman told me that Francis Coppolla has trucks of Thunderbird shipped to his house every week, where he pays Marlon Brando's illegitimate island kids six cents a day to mix it with Five Alive and rebottle it. Coppolla passes the stuff off as having come from his vineyard. Complete "A".
3. Donald Sutherland is not real. He is one of those giant Muppets like Big Bird, or the ogres from Fraggle Rock. The dude who operates him is named Sandy.
4. Joe Peschi is a greasy wop, or so Sissy Spacek called him constantly. Sissy Spacek.. what a racist.
5. Tommy Lee Jones is actually twins Tommy and Lee Jones. Much like the Olson Twins in the Full House days, they take shifts playing the same roll; Tommy is the dialogue man and the better at reaction shots, while Lee takes on any scene that involves eating pickles.
7. Jack Lemmon loved on-set sensual massage.
8. Oliver Stone fired me because every time he gave direction during rehearsals, I'd reply with dialogue from his overwrought completely mortal Charlie Sheen vehicle, Platoon: I'd like to hear about it, Potheads! Oliver Stone is the spawn of an unholy sexual encounter between Mickey Dolenz and Rip Torn. Go ahead, Google all three, I'll wait for the shock and awe. To be clear, Oliver Stone is a ridiculous stupid idiot.
8a. Not to get off topic, but when Oliver Stone ripped MacBeth for the script of Brian DePalma's Scarface, he was doing a pretty good job, up to the point where Cocaine = Witches; this sort of thing leads to Lady MacBeth barren of children being a fine excuse for banging your sister. Thanks for teaching rappers that Cubans are cool because they cut throats and commit incest, Oliver Stone, you hack. You make me miss the days of Michael Cimino's barely repressed homosexuality between Russian-Orthodox steel-mill workers. Didi Mao!*
(*It's called Deerhunter. Queue it up, you Infidels. I'm not saying something was rotten in Denmark, but Michael Cimino is now a woman, when once he was not)
* And with that, Ace is out. Send your thank yous to Kydd Talent Agency.
8a. Not to get off topic, but when Oliver Stone ripped MacBeth for the script of Brian DePalma's Scarface, he was doing a pretty good job, up to the point where Cocaine = Witches; this sort of thing leads to Lady MacBeth barren of children being a fine excuse for banging your sister. Thanks for teaching rappers that Cubans are cool because they cut throats and commit incest, Oliver Stone, you hack. You make me miss the days of Michael Cimino's barely repressed homosexuality between Russian-Orthodox steel-mill workers. Didi Mao!*
(*It's called Deerhunter. Queue it up, you Infidels. I'm not saying something was rotten in Denmark, but Michael Cimino is now a woman, when once he was not)
* And with that, Ace is out. Send your thank yous to Kydd Talent Agency.
0 comments:
Post a Comment