REPLACING CHAZZ 2: Ace Milton

We've heard from Alexei, here's candidate 2.  Ace Milton is infamous for being the actor who almost has "it".  While you've never seen him in a high profile movie, Ace has auditioned for every big time role in Hollywood.  He's 0-57 on high profile auditions, and like most failures in life, he'd like to blog about it.  Let's do this!

*It was down to me and Viggo Mortensen for Hidalgo.  The thing is, I hate horses.  He doesn't.


*I told the late great John Frankenheimer that I wanted to play the guy in Ronin as a stuttering dyslexic.  Sean Bean got the role.


*I told Peter Jackson I saw Boromir as a repressed homosexual.  Sean Bean got the role.


*When I was 12 I auditioned for Francis Coppola; it was down to me and C. Thomas Howell to play Ponyboy in The Outsiders.  You didn't hear it from me, but C. Thomas got the role by being a lot of the boys' pony.


*Ridley Scott is a fascist turd.  I was in the final cut to play some emperor in Gladiator, but I wouldn't cut my ponytail.  Standards are hard to hold on to in this town.


*Ever noticed how Matt Damon looks like the Bat-faced Boy?


*The late great Bob Altman talked to me about a movie.  Then he died.


*Stanley Kubrick was a pervert.  I auditioned in drag for Eyes Wide Shut.  Leelee Sobieski got the role.


*I told Martin Scorsese I don't take punching lessons from hobbits.


*Sean Penn wanted me to play a part in the Harvey Milk, but it fell apart because I slept with Gus Van Sant's mother.


*Mel Gibson's a good dude.


*I told Guillermo Del Toro that he ruined Hellboy.  At my audition for Hellboy 2.


*Robert Duvall is a happy drunk.


*I lost out on the Chaucer role in a Knight's Tale because I asked Heath Ledger why all Australians look like rats.


*One time I sucker-punched Wilford Brimley at a Tim Horton's.


*I had a shot at the role opposite Pacino in Scent of A Woman, but he thought I was playing it too broad.