CHAZZ: REHAB

It has come down to me to let everyone know that Cousin Chazz has entered rehab.  His column will be suspended indefinitely.  It seems Chazz has been freebasing Diet Pepsi for months.
As part of the deal brokered in his intervention, I agreed to let Chazz have one more list.  He chose as his final list, the problems he has with life.  I found this healthy, a checklist to work on during his stay at the Kezar Falls Clinic of Sobrietal Evolution.
Chazz is 30.  He has no job, no car, no bank account; none of these were on his list of problems in life.  Nonetheless a deal is deal -- here it is:

1 Restaurants serving Diet Coke.
2 Young chicks who, when I put Indy and the Last Crusade on the PS3, say, "Not another old movie!"
3 Small sunglasses.
4 Chicks who don't get that just because we make sweet love twenty or thirty times, that's not a relationship.
5 Songs longer than 2:37.  Unnecessary.
6 When the smoke shop runs out of cloves, Brother.
7 When Chicks interrupt Call o Duty with their issues.
8 Old people driving through a rotary.
9 Dudes questioning my work ethic:: At the Sunglasses Hut, I killed it nearly five hours a day, three days a week -- only God can judge me, Uncle Steve!!