ACE: 1994

(A list from everyone's least favorite unemployed actor of, on, and about the year 1994 of our Lord, a golden season in Pictures, that Ace nearly was a part of)

1. I thought I had the role in Shawshank.  I probably shouldn't have partied the night before my final audition, but I never thought they would cast Morgan Freeman as an Irishman.

2. I thought I had the role in Pulp Fiction.  I probably shouldn't have guzzled so much hot rum through a Twizzler the night before my final audition, but I never thought they would cast Tim Roth as a full-sized person.

3. I thought I had the role in Interview With A Vampire.  I probably should not have smoked so much purple Afghani hash the night before the final audition, but I never thought they would cast Brad Pitt as a fully-articulated undead.

4. I thought I had Quiz Show.  I probably shouldn't have bathed in a jacuzzi full of liquefied cocaine the night before the final audition, but I never thought they would cast Rob Morrow in a role meant to be played by a professional actor.

5. I thought I had Legends of the Fall.  I did.  I know it was stupid to replace all my blood with methamphetamine cut with strawberry Quik the night before the final audition, but I never figured they would cast Brad Pitt as a dude.  Shrew'em!!!