CHAZZ: 12 Songs From Lost Prince Album

Cousin Chazz had a crazy dream where he found an unreleased Prince album from 1987.  While he can't remember the album title, and woke up before listening to it, he did write down the song titles, and here they are:

1 U Gave Crabs 2 Me

2 Spacious Beige Minivan

3 Oldest Panties In The Room

4 Did U Finish?

5 Strawberry Toupee

6 Heartbreak Hotel

7 Y I Luv 2 Initial

8 Kissing On A Milk Crate

9 1599

10 Cosign A Loan For U

11 U My Precious

12 Color Specific Vagina Metaphor

*HERE the ny notations

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And now I think some point analysis of the Chazz bits above -- What does he think is so funny about this?






1 U Gave Crabs 2 Me: Twenty years before texting ruined the sentence, Prince was dropping many song titles like I Would Die 4 U... It's become habitual: 4 The Tears In Your Eyes, U Got The Look -- I guess Chazz thought this quote, if you think of a lover speaking it to another, via Prince spelling, is a riot.

2 Spacious Beige Minivan: Prince is actually quite gifted with metaphor, that is so long as it is metaphor for a woman's private parts.  Take his greatest song, Little Red Corvette; while he's talking about a gorgeous powerful little vehicle that moves too fast for him, he's not talking about a Corvette.  So I guess Chazz went this route; not sure any Lady wants to be known as a Spacious Beige Minivan, but it happens.

3 Oldest Panties In The Room: I'll be kind here, and call this one of Chazz's conceptual bits.  If you think of one of those nasty Prince club songs, like Gett Off, it is kind of funny to imagine Prince proclaiming he's on the hunt for old panties, but does he mean the oldest pair of panties worn that evening, or rather the oldest panty-wearer -- either way, perverse.

4 Did U Finish?: Prince is always bagging chicks, at least in verse.  It would be a comical song if in his raptor-falsetto, while battling back the oncoming climax, Prince, half-hoping, half-pleading, asked the corvette, you know, Did U Finish?  Because he's about to.

5 Strawberry Toupee: Imagine if instead of taking a girl riding down by Old Man Johnson's farm, Prince just went with Old Man Johnson, an Irish fella with a bad rug constantly shaking loose against the velocity of that purple Honda.

6 Heartbreak Hotel: All jokes aside, the greatest cover that never happened.

7 Y I Luv 2 Initial: See above; purely a joke on Prince's shit spelling habits.

8 Kissing On A Milk Crate: Prince Rogers Nelson is 5'2.

9 1599: Concept being tonight we're gonna party like the Plague is about to pop back to London, so let's get drunk, go check out Henry the V at the Globe, and score some prostitutes.

10 Cosign A Loan For U: How great would the girl have to be for Prince to go this far?  Go back and watch Apollonia purify herself in the waters of Lake Minnitonka.

11 U My Precious: The similarities between Prince and Smeagol are numerous and uncanny.  I can almost hear this song with Darling Nikki like squeaks and squeals such as, I serve the master of the precious!  Precious likely being a woman's *&^%@.

12 Color Specific Vagina Metaphor: As mentioned above Prince has a thing for what could be called Pussy Music.  One might think all this centralizing over-focus on triangles reveals antagonistic misogyny towards his lovers.  But damn the grooves are tight!!