-- Genre: Dark Comedy-Sci-Fi; and away we go....
-- Our main character is named Sven, and we OPEN with Sven's American Gigoloesque preparation for going out on the town, scored to Robert Palmer's Addicted To Love -- which includes:
-- washing his hair in the sink (no shower)
-- picking his Boba Fett t-shirt off the bathroom floor
-- and leaving the house with half a boner in sweatpants.
-- HIS DESTINATION: the weekly Dungeons and Dragons campaign at the local gaming store/comic shop -- it's bad news when he gets there:
-- The other adventurers have voted Sven's character, Irwin the Alchemist, out of the group, because Sven is Forty years old.
-- From here the story takes on the feel of an Elizabethan revenge tragedy: Sven looks for any way to get back at his former friends, (not that any of them much like him)..
-- He breaks into their parents' homes, to steal all their 20-sided dice;
-- He tries starting his own DnD game in the parking lot of the local methadone clinic; none of it works.. Sven is in trouble..
-- Then by chance, as he's walking the local outdoor Flea Market, he meets an old Frenchman named Ferrit, Ramon Ferrit.. a peddler of strange Indian artifacts.
-- As these things usually go, Ferrit has a very special book for sale -- a tome out of the very fantasy games that Sven has dedicated his life to: The Golemic Polemic!
-- Basically it's: Making a Frankenstein For Dummies. For some reason Mr. Ferrit wants to be rid of the book, and in a hurry -- he'll trade it for Sven's homemade statues of all four Bladerunner Replicants.
-- Sven takes the manual home, translates it on his computer; sells his comic books to bankroll the aquisition of raw materials for the construction, and:
-- SIX MONTHS LATER: The Superman is BORN. Sven names him Samuel.
-- Samuel Gamgee.
-- Sam is a Golem: seven feet tall, sort of human looking as these kind of monsters can be, but have no doubt -- it is a monster.
-- Sven takes up the monster's education with the same zeal that went into the creatures creation: despite the book's warnings about the true nature of a Golem, Sven trains Sam to be a renaissance man: Justice League comics circa 61-67, Hammer horror movies, and fast food chains -- this is the Superman's mutton;
-- it is likely this training will take the form on film as an homage to that classic of American cinema, Walk Like a Man starring Howie Mandel.
-- Sven keeps Sam locked away in their tiny third floor apartment; for three seasons of the year he trains the Monster for his mission, a mission greater than just mere revenge on the comic shop, no, a new mission:
-- Assassinate Guillermo Del Toro, the film director, before he can begin filming on The Hobbit. A noble crusade to anyone who saw Hellboy 2.
-- But Sven overlooks a flaw in his plan: that fourth season of the year; the season of lustful fumbling in the back seats of cars with nimble young females; even the Monster is mystified by the jiggle-wiggle outside the apartment window on those sticky afternoons.
-- One night Sven returns to a broken front door, and an empty apartment... A letter apologizes for leaving, and thanks Sven for creating him, but Sam Gamgee has fallen in love, and of this vixen begins ACT TWO..
-- Her name is Trishi Quellete. Trishi has a brother. A nice guy if you disregard his being in prison for murder. Trishi is sad. Her only brother. She needs help. Put it in the memory bank.
-- Trishi has Sam Gamgee do nasty things for her; ripping jewelry stores; busting up trailer park drug rings, and confiscating the product; there's another feller who's bothered her over the years.. and the Golem does what Golems do, he snaps this guy in two..
-- Thus sending Sam Gamgee to prison.. where, surprise, Trishi wants him to break out her "brother", who's last name is not Quellete, but Shareef.
-- When Sven finds out where Sam Gamgee is, he knows what he has to do..
-- So he burns down the Comic Book Shop, and gets himself incarcerated.. Unfortunately for him:
-- When he gets to prison, and finds out about Sam, Sam's made a nice thing for himself in there -- prisoners stopped trying to fight him months ago when he pulled an Eric Bana in Chopper, taking twenty stab wounds to the gut, and walking away from it.
-- Act Three takes on a Heart of Darkness feel, as Sven tries to get to his creation, and from there, break out of prison, but before then he's just a nerd amongst the killers.. desperate to locate his friend, now a legend, in the big house.
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