4.22.2013

STORY: I Live On A Spaceship


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Lines of pale people snaking around the concourse.  Beyond the rampart they amble in the bulky suits they have purchased.  Fog, fog, fog.
You are watching Episode 8: 
"The Day They Put Us On The Spaceship"

JOURNAL: Fuck Star Wars

In conversation a week ago this kid bemoaned the fact that Disney is planning about seventeen new Star Wars movies.  This kid was upset that Disney appears to be maximizing the possible profit on their massive investment, because, as this kid believed, this would result in watered down product.
I said something like, "Who cares?  Star Wars isn't good."
"Phantom Menace, exactly."
"Not Phantom Menace.  Star Wars.  It's not good.  It never has been good.  And it has always been about selling merch."
"But Star Wars is the most influential film of our lifetimes."
"That's like when a Bin Laden is named Person of the Year.  It's not celebratory, it's proof of our demise.  Star Wars made three generations think vapid robot movies are deep mythology; it's like when some kid starts watching porn at age 13, and blows out his still developing brain to where he is incapable of appreciating true beauty or eroticism: he can't get hot over a little stocking because his brain only registers fake boobs and bumholes."
+ And that is what Star Wars is: fake boobs and bumholes.
+ It feels like a culture where others' juvenilia have been made monolithic: where Justin Timberlake is a genius, and Drive is a great movie; where Walking Dead warrants Shroud of Turin levels of anthropologic study.  I wonder if this all started with Star Wars having been hoisted on us as a great movie.  As if Star Wars had depth.  
+ Star Wars Nerd quote: Chicken nuggets drowned in barbecue sauce is the greatest food of the century.  
+ Stop mythologizing porn, and read some poetry.

4.07.2013

CHAZZ: Hiram Is A Den of Iniquity

So gone to seed are the lascivious residents of Hiram that Father Rusty Steeds has proclaimed their souls lost to Satan -- from the Castine Columbian Gazette 1808

4.04.2013

RAT: Vote Muskrat in 2013!!!

Al Muskrat Jr. has thrown his mullet in the ring as a candidate for mayor in East Dinksborough.  Below are the leaked bullet points from his campaign pamphlet.

4.01.2013

SMILOS: No Be Friends With Hipsters

This is Chazz's great-uncle Smilos who came over here from the island of Mypos in the 50's.  Having recently retired from driving the bus down to Foxwoods, he's a new addition to our pantheon of bloggers.  Today he uses his life's experience to warn against befriending hipsters.